Literally the other day, and I mean, on Sunday, I posted an image to my instagram and wrote about how as a fat person, with a fat body, I didn’t need to be fetishised in order to be viewed sexually. It’s something that I felt needed to be said, and people agreed, but it began to wander aimlessly into a realm of negativity around sexual expression, which wasn’t my intention.
You see, my intention was to talk openly about the sexual experience and sexual expression of fat people, and that we do continue to be sexual and have sex even though we’re fat. That was the stigma I was aiming to point out and remove. I talked about people having a “type” based on physical attributes, rather than any sort of other connection such as being interested in the same sexual practices, because I see all too often, people complaining because their partner isn’t compatible with their sexual interest. And that’s not what I am about. I would rather everyone have fulfilling and happy sexual experiences over not being satisfied.
What I don’t want to continue to happen, is for me, and other fat people to post online, and those images, our existences be fetishised, as if I have to part of a kink to be considered sexual. That’s not what I am about, and it’s not why I post on social media. I want to be viewed as someone sexual regardless of my body.
I don’t want to post pictures of me in bed, and then be sent those images in my DMs telling me that I am their type and it’s sexy because you can see my belly. I should be sexy regardless of that. I understand that sometimes we need to find someone physically attractive, but do I need someone begging me to give them sexual gratification because I have a belly and they want that somehow? We’re also forgetting for a minute that I am in a relationship, which is also listed on my instagram, but clearly, it’s all fair game.
I post openly about my body, to allow other people with a body similar to mine, to feel like someone else in the world is there representing them. I don’t always feel represented. I have a hard personality, I am 31 and know my stuff, and sometimes I see other body positive men, going about it with a soft, begging approach to be accepted or for the negativity to stop. I’m not gonna beg, I’m gonna tell you.
That is what makes me different, and that’s what makes me someone who wants to change things for the better. Do I want to sit and slowly get to the end game? No, I want to get there quicker so people can start enjoying their lives, enjoying their body, and being seen as someone who can be sexual regardless of their body if they want to be seen as that.
Fat people are not sexless, they are not celibate. Some of them might be, but it doesn’t mean we all are or all want to be. Start understanding that the fat body, and the fat person can be a sexual body and a sexual person, but respect personal boundaries, get consent before sending nudes, and doing all of that. And don’t be a beg.