’bout Realising.

What has this year really been about? As forecast by the Oracle that is Kylie Jenner, 2016 was really a year of realising things for me as well as her…probably that she needs to think about her answers better but even still.

This year has been filled with ups and downs for me, but it’s a year I’ve really needed to endure to make myself aware that I can do this thing called life. I have experienced the good, with the bad, and whilst celebrities have passed, I have kept my cool and held back the tears for people I really didn’t know personally. I have worked my arse off, I have tried new things, I was vegetarian for 9 months, I loved, I lost, I drank, I got high, I shagged about, I cried, I was depressed… I really could go on but there’s enough there to go off.

I needed to have my melt down this year, to really kick my arse into touch and make sure that no matter what, I was prepared to actually go through with plans I laid out for myself in 2012. Why have I put them off for 4 years when I could have been further on with life as I know it? I suppose realistically it all had to boil down to my melt down.

So, what’s to come after this shoddy year? Plenty of positive things that are part of my journey of self-discovery…again.

  1. I will travel: both at home in the UK, and abroad. I still have my long list of places I want to go and I have to start ticking them off sooner rather than later. The larger journeys I want to go on, such as to Auckland and Tokyo can wait until later life, but there’s a vast list of places easier to get to that I need to tick off.
  2. I will be me: I don’t wish to censor myself any more than I already have. I was happy in 2012/13 because I didn’t censor myself, I did as I wanted. I explored the world of drag, dyed my hair blue, had my septum pierced, wore what I wanted, said what I wanted, posted what I wanted, and that is one thing I need to do again – just be me, uncensored.
  3. I will evolve: Over the last few years I have remained largely the same. I have let myself go, let myself become someone I am not happy with, and therefore I will try to recapture some of my past self, with getting back into crafting my own self image to be at the top of my own game. That means, losing weight, crafting a look and educating myself further.
  4. I will not settle: For years I have rushed and settled for the most convenient offer for a boyfriend, or friends, and life in general, and that is what leads me to questionable events, and even more disastrous outcomes, but I won’t settle anymore. I want the best of what I can get, and if that means passing up offers that were better in the question for finding the best, then so be it.

These are not resolutions, these are rules. These are what my 2017 onwards will all be about. I want it, I’ll get it, I want to do it, I’ll make it happen. No matter what, Ted from 2017 will be the best version of myself I have ever been – I know I’ve said this before but this time it’s the truth. No more resting on my laurels!

Happy New Year everybody!


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